UN: SKYWALKER | TEXT

[unrepentant]

Hi. Could someone here kill me but just temporarily?
Thank you.



EDIT:
Yes this is a serious question.

Comments

un: bombaf

[himbomb]

is this a sex question

[unrepentant]

[What?]
What?
No.

[himbomb]

sooo uh

i swore off the whole u kno MURDER??? thing somethin liiiiiike

maybe 4 or 5 years ago idk

i could do it but like... bro

why

u sure u gonna wake tf back up?

[unrepentant]

No! I

[Somewhere in town, Anakin is dragging his hands down his face and directing an UGhHG at the ceiling. But this is what you get for your terrible planning Anakin, your impulse control is legendary for all the wrong reasons.]

This is why I'm asking for help.
I think I could figure out how to die on my own.

[himbomb]

[...Rex looks over the text of the message once more.]

b r u h

tf r u even on rn?!

ok, and i quote, what part of the message "could someone here kill me but just temporarily?" ISN'T about murkin ya

u good??? wus happenin

[unrepentant]

just temporarily

[himbomb]

"could someone here kill me"

KILL ME

??????????????

[unrepentant]

That's why the sentence kept GOING

What're you going to send me next
but

[himbomb]

🍑

[Yes.]

❤️

[unrepentant]

I have no idea what that is

A fruit? You like fruit?

im dropping

[himbomb]

what body part does it look like ☺️

dw ill give u a minute cause u seem a lil slow

and, uh, yeah, what can i say?

i ❤️ me some 🍑s

specially ones that're big, fat, n JOOOOSAY*

*juicy

[unrepentant]

Please stop talking.

[himbomb]

looks like u finally got it! took ya long enough

hey. u asked.

[unrepentant]

Well you should have a vested interest in helping. Otherwise the only 🍑s you'll have left will be wrinkly dead ones that don't make it to the cemetery.

[himbomb]

hey! i help people ALL the time. it's my fuckin day job

and for the past three years? i haven't even had a single day off

u think i dont care about this shit?! that mayor's all off in his own little LALA land while the rest of these poor chickedy-dee peeps get sicker by the dozen

somethin's up

[unrepentant]

Yeah, I know the feeling.

But for the record, even though I'm asking about where the bodies are going, this sickness isn't limited to just the locals and us.

Have you heard anything since we got here?

[himbomb]

wait, what does that mean

who ELSE has that bug gotten to, or, into idk

i mean, who else is there?

[unrepentant]

Even the plant life here is decaying. It's like whatever it is is

Everywhere

Even if we find a cure for the residents, how long will it be before they end up starving anyway?

[himbomb]

the plants, too? holy shit

im no microbiologist dorkety DORK face but, liiiiiike,

stuff that affects plants shouldn't affect people

err... animal people? that's WEIRD

ya think somebody pissed off ol rip van TINKLE and, aaaaah... decided to curse the whole village or some shit?

fuck

[He ruminates for a second.]

if there's some cranky witch behind this, i hope to god and sweet bb jesus that she can't make me ugly

bc that would be no bueno, fuckfuck and F U C K

[REX??????????]

[unrepentant]

[He is so sure that most of those words aren't real words]

I don't know. I haven't been able to find anyone who can explain how all this started. But I noticed it almost as soon as we got here. Even the grasses are wilting.

Whatever the cause is, it's effecting the whole train car.

[himbomb]

[please imagine this uttered in the spaciest, douchey jason mantzoukas voice:]

ooooooooooohhhhhhhh

so that's why the food's so shit

i get it now

that and they probably don't wanna fry up the other chicken ppl, seein as they're also... chickens

chickadees? beaked behemoths. feathery ass motherfuckers.

[unrepentant]

[when i tell you i screamed]

Yeah. Most places I've been aren't big on cannibalism.

But that's what I mean. Even if we figure this piece out, we still have to deal with whatever this disease is.

[himbomb]

you'd be surprised!

[rex pls nobody needs to hear your weird invincible lvl superhero stories xcept maybe nobara]

well! i'd like to get to the bottom of this

although, i've kiiiiinda got a very bad feeling about this sickety sickness (could we NOT have just ended up in a car with babes who're just thickety THICC instead? jesus fucking christ)

uggggh, goddd

we're probably gonna end up havin 2 shovel tons upon tons of bird shit, huh

gross

[unrepentant]

Well if it makes you feel any better we might be dead before we have to shovel anything.

[himbomb]

in that case? just hit ME over the head with the damn thing first!

[As if something of that nature could kill him so easily. What a funny joke.]

the shovel, i mean

so. you got a team goin for this, aaaah, investigation? or wtf ever