UN: SKYWALKER | TEXT

[unrepentant]

Hi. Could someone here kill me but just temporarily?
Thank you.



EDIT:
Yes this is a serious question.

Comments

[testgasm]

what are you trying to do anyway

do you have to be dead dead

can't you just be asleep or something i'll be honest i can't really tell the difference a lot of the time

[unrepentant]

For this to work I think I've got to be as dead-like as some of the people around town had looked.

But I guess if I take another body's place, then we'll have to worry about dealing with the corpse.

[testgasm]

well getting rid of a body can't be that hard can it

loads of stuff gets lost in this forest i bet oh or if there's a river or something we could just dump it

i say 'we' but obviously i can't actually help with that i don't have arms

oh my goD

[unrepentant]

No not get rid of it. Deal with it. Nicely.


You don't have arms? That sounds difficult for a droid of your specialty.
Were you wall mounted? Do you have legs?

[testgasm]

seems like a matter of semantics to me but okay i see what you're doing here we'll move on

also do not have legs i used to have a rail you know like on the ceiling

all fine here though making it work

[unrepentant]

Its not semantics. One of those things has a proper burial or pyre, and the other is ditching them in the woods.



That doesn't surprise me, I'm sure you have surprising resilience.
I'm glad it's not slowing you down. Would you say things are rolling along?
[badum- tsh]

[testgasm]

[ughhHHHH]

i mean if you want to go ahead and start planning funerals i'm not going to stop you

suppose i deserved that

i'm not literally rolling along can you imagine how ridiculous that would be

[unrepentant]

It wouldn't be ridiculous. If you had a central stabilizer you'd be able to roll more quickly and efficiently than you could with articulated joints.

How have you been getting around Wheatley?

[testgasm]

yeah but then i'd be on the ground all the time because i am really not very large

to answer your question i've mostly been hitching rides

it's fine

[unrepentant]

Can't just say being carried huh?

To be fair, humans are mostly on the ground all the time too.

[For your nightmarish consideration: BB-8 but make it Wheatley.]

[testgasm]

fine i'm not very tall so i'd be very close to the ground all the time which i don't exactly fancy

i am asking fellow passengers very nicely for a lift if i need one

[unrepentant]

I'm both proud and suspicious that you added 'very nicely.'

[testgasm]

to everyone's credit you all seem like a bunch of fairly reasonable people

[unrepentant]

I take it that's not quite what you're used to?

[testgasm]

mostly just other robots where i'm from

[unrepentant]

What really?

What's that like? Predictable?

[testgasm]

boring mostly

not that humans aren't but you'd be lucky to run into anyone back at the facility

[unrepentant]

What so you never left the facility?

[testgasm]

well no but that's fine

arriving here has kind of opened my figurative eyes to how escaping was possibly overrated

[unrepentant]

To be fair things here don't really reflect my world either.

But far be it from me to encourage you to escape.

[testgasm]

oh no honestly i think it’s better for me at this point to just stay with the group

[unrepentant]

Aw Wheatley, are we growing on you?

[testgasm]

well if i manage to find some kind of limbed chassis all bets are off

[unrepentant]

Now there's an idea

These train cars have been pretty rustic. We have these communicators but half of these places haven't even had electricity.

[testgasm]

yeah things are a bit lacking if i'm honest

i'm designed to interface with a lot of things but i doubt we could make something functional out of what we have here